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Saturday, March 26

On Sadness


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This is a series of stories that is part of my own healing. I welcome you to read along, or not, but I'm going to write it anyway. I hope you take something good from it, and I hope I do too.

If you have thoughts of suicide, please call 1 (800) 273-8255 to reach the National Suicide Crisis Hotline, or call 911. Please know, admitting help is not a failure. Life can be beautiful, you just have to live it first.
I’m learning that emotion is a spectrum. It may seem strange, at 28, saying that I’m learning “how to feel,” as perhaps it’s more fitting in the cognitive development of say, a toddler or child. Yet, here I am, learning.

It never occurred to me that sadness could be a slow, steady drip. Sadness could be a trickle of water flowing down a road after a rain storm. Sadness could be a babbling brook, the still waters of a spring.

My sadness seemed to me more like a rip current - moving invisibly beneath the water, waiting for a moment, for a careless misstep, for a limb to get too close. I could get lost in it, sucked in before I even knew it was there. And yet the movement of the current beneath the surface could be familiar and calming; a sweet and salty lullaby. And before I’d know it - body limp and hypnotized by the movement of the sea - I would find myself in an ocean so deep that light could no longer reach its floor. My sadness was a creature that called the underbelly of the Earth its home.

I am learning now that feeling sad is okay.

Feeling sad is okay. That’s new to me. Not quite sure where to go from here. Still learning, it seems.


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